30 by 30: Are You Hitting Your Milestones?

My wonderful friend has a blog post about maturing and life goals (and she has--in my humble opinion--an awesome life that she's embraced with bravery and a wonderful spirit of adventure, so I sincerely hope she isn't taking stock in a self-judgmental way, but rather in a how-can-I-grow-even-more way).

She cites a McSweeney's article that's a tongue-in-cheek nod to those baby developmental milestone charts. You know, the ones that are used primarily to induce either panic or an alarmingly thick layer of smugness in new parents. (Yes, yes. I know that they have the very legitimate use of reassuring parents that their child's development is normal and alerting us to potential developmental delays to ensure early intervention strategies, but let's be honest, usually they're about panic and smugness).

"'Advanced' 14 month olds can use a spoon and fork, eh? We'll show 'em!"

She developed a point system whereby you get 1 point for completing the "probably," 2 for completing the "may be able," and 3 for completing the "possibly." She also grants handicaps to adjust for age, so since I'm 27, I get 7.5 points (2.5 points +/- for years under/over 30). 

So, here's how I did:

By thirty-years-old, your adult will probably be able to…

Feed and maintain a house pet
Hold down a job
Maintain eye contact while speaking
Refrain from discussing high school
Cook a meal (three-course)
Make small talk
Forgive his family (Get out of my head, McSweeney's.) 
Acknowledge other viewpoints (social)
Detect and respond to ambiguity

Finish school (I've got two degrees, but I'm still not finished.)

Your thirty-year-old adult may be able to…

Make a martini (vodka) (Blech. I like my drinks sweet. When it comes to alcohol, I have the tastebuds of a six-year-old. Wait, that didn't come out right. What I meant to say is where are the mango margaritas?)
Tie a half-Windsor knot

Drive a manual transmission (This depends on what your definition of "drive" is, but I did it--for better of for worse--for a year, so I'm going to count it.)
Refrain from discussing college (I work at a college. I feel this is unfair.)
Get married
File his taxes (EZ form)
Remember 5-10 friends’ birthdays
Acknowledge other viewpoints (political)
Get a flu shot
Give a toast
Install storm windows
Go back to school (Back. Hahaha.)

Some advanced thirty-year-olds may possibly be able to…

Make a martini (gin) (And peach margaritas. Mmm.)
File his taxes (standard 1040)
Make and keep dental appointments
Have a baby

Finish school (Hey! That's double dipping!)

Final score: 35 (+7.5 handicap)= 42.5/49  I'm grown!

My friend finished it up with a list of 30 things to do before she's 30 and a challenge to others to do the same. Thirty seemed like a daunting number, and I do--after all--still have three years, so I'm going to start with 15 and then re-evaluate:

1. Submit two articles for publication in academic journals

2. Take my daughter to the beach

3. Be able to hold a basic conversation in Spanish

4. Get my insanely hyperactive dog trained well enough to be able to bring him to an outdoor festival 

5. Move to a new house

6. Finish my PhD (can "before 30" be "by the time you're done being 30," like really "before 31"? This one's going to be cutting it close). 

7. Visit another country (I don't even own a passport yet.)

8. Present at a teaching conference 

9. Take a yoga class

10. Run a 10k

11. Teach my daughter to swim

12. Update my wardrobe

13. See the Pacific Ocean 

14. Plant a garden 

15. Organize my closet

There. Now I feel ready to tackle the day. (Also, is it sad that the one I feel least confident in is number 4?)

What about you? What goals do you have? (And if you're already 30, feel free to adjust the timeframe!)

Photo: panduh