tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post1157238182572781621..comments2024-03-18T04:15:27.703-05:00Comments on Balancing Jane: The Fine Print: Negotiations in Marriage's WorkMichellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07801229525416203656noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-12258415221297363142013-08-15T14:19:22.838-05:002013-08-15T14:19:22.838-05:00That's more or less the pattern we've fall...That's more or less the pattern we've fallen into over time. It's easier when we have some clear expectations and boundaries to help keep the work from being overwhelming.Michelle (Balancing Jane)http://www.balancingjane.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-50437750352662162122013-08-14T18:46:26.986-05:002013-08-14T18:46:26.986-05:00Could you consider dividing work not based on indi...Could you consider dividing work not based on individual chores but based on rooms and/or time? For example, you are responsible for cleaning the kitchen and your husband is responsible for cleaning the living room (assuming they're roughly the same size. If not, switch every so often to even things out). Assuming you have roughly the same standards of cleanliness, that way you both have to work but you don't have to agonize over who does what as much.Annnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-11892870239591132602012-06-07T23:49:35.529-05:002012-06-07T23:49:35.529-05:00I stayed home with my kids until the youngest was ...I stayed home with my kids until the youngest was in school, so I always did the house cleaning but it was a rude awakening once I started working and my husband had to start pitching in. But a marriage isn't 50/50 it's 100/100 the kids are as much mine as they are his, the laundry is a team effort, and if I cooked he did dishes, it just worked for us. He really helped out before I started working but, it was more of a team effort once I got a job.Nataliehttps://myjobrocks.scentsy.usnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-75694109859695193122012-06-03T14:15:19.695-05:002012-06-03T14:15:19.695-05:00I am lucky that my husband is a firefighter, and t...I am lucky that my husband is a firefighter, and therefore responsible for housekeeping chores at work - this gives him a sense of perspective most men just don't get. <br /><br />Let's face it - culturally, men don't often DO housework and therefore don't really understand what the big deal is(as it is, the chores at the firehouse are shared equally by everyone on the shift - including traditionally "male" chores like vehicle maintenance, yard work, and minor repairs. Most women don't have the benefit of that kind of teamwork.) Men who live alone frequently eat out, send out their laundry, and hire a cleaning service without thinking twice about just how much work they are delegating.<br /><br />It takes a LOT of explanation to communicate this difference in perspective/culture; if you've never done it, it's difficult to explain exactly how much work it is. I think sometimes calculators like this help illustrate the point: http://www.salary.com/mom-paycheck/ though I see some glaring omissions (who buys the supplies?) <br /><br />I feel lucky that my husband has an understanding that there are several jobs going on at once at home, and he has taken on some of the household jobs himself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-32509802496040499192012-05-29T20:20:20.561-05:002012-05-29T20:20:20.561-05:00I'll try this! And I LOVE the smell of lemons....I'll try this! And I LOVE the smell of lemons.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07801229525416203656noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-36252684443018329912012-05-29T20:19:57.378-05:002012-05-29T20:19:57.378-05:00I completely get where you're coming from with...I completely get where you're coming from with the little things adding up. I also empathize with having different clutter tolerance levels than your partner. I think that has to be a negotiation, too. It may not be fair for the person with the lower clutter tolerance to insist on everything being his/her way all the time, but I also don't think it's fair that the person with the lower clutter tolerance just has to do all the work. It's gotta be a give and take.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07801229525416203656noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-24600714610747145812012-05-29T20:05:11.289-05:002012-05-29T20:05:11.289-05:00Put a cut-up lemon in that water and the whole hou...Put a cut-up lemon in that water and the whole house will smell *amazing* and the lemon essence also helps break up the crud.Amanda R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08321763390879484704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-86631856100167486152012-05-29T20:04:15.219-05:002012-05-29T20:04:15.219-05:00My husband claims he doesn't care how much hou...My husband claims he doesn't care how much housework I do or don't do. He does his own laundry, I'm in charge of everything else; and he would rather I played video games than did the dishes and made him feel guilty for not doing them. But his world, the dishes would never be done. He also doesn't realize all the little bits of housework (taking out trash, sweping, ptting clothes away) that only takes a few minutes that I have to constantly do to make sure the house does't completely look like a rats nest.<br />But I'm not a good housekeeper, honestly. I was when we lived in our apartment in Orlando. But I had a, dryer, vaccume cleaner, and a dish washer. I don't have those things here in China. Doing housework here takes on epic proportions and it is extremely dishartening. I feel bad when I can't provide my husband with a clean home (even though it shouldn't be just my reponsibility since we both work full-time). The only good thing is that, yeah, I have a housekeeper who comes twice a week. She also cooks. As long as I live in China I will have a housekeeper. And I might not return to the States until I get a job offer good enough to have one there too!Amanda R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08321763390879484704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-47410421865626820822012-05-29T13:07:29.264-05:002012-05-29T13:07:29.264-05:00I love your point that even with a contract - whic...I love your point that even with a contract - which is probably intended to make sure everyone is in agreement and understands what is important to one another - someone often ends up in charge of making sure it is followed. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but if it means one partner is constantly reminding the other of the contract then the couple may end up back where they started - one person nagging and resentful.<br /><br />Oh how I would LOVE to have someone come clean my house!!! But here is a quick trick for microwaves I found a while back - stick a bowl of water in it and run the microwave for about 3 minutes. The steam loosens everything and it wipes right off. It's amazing! :)Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10026714758785637031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-64631978680263228182012-05-29T12:11:02.831-05:002012-05-29T12:11:02.831-05:00For us, too. The new responsibilities of parenting...For us, too. The new responsibilities of parenting took a lot of navigating, and it was particularly hard because sharing work before the baby came had never been a problem. It really tested our assumptions about gender roles and duties.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07801229525416203656noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-47831117655168308882012-05-29T08:48:08.987-05:002012-05-29T08:48:08.987-05:00I know that my husband's deep resentment of mi...I know that my husband's deep resentment of middle-of-the-night diaper changing was my first clue that our parenting might not be this pie-in-the-sky egalitarian fantasy I'd had.Laurenhttp://www.mamanervosa.comnoreply@blogger.com