tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post7067163210265450259..comments2024-03-27T06:58:00.659-05:00Comments on Balancing Jane: "No-No": The Body Autonomy of a One-Year-OldMichellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07801229525416203656noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827968588643415787.post-69349013062091906282012-01-13T10:14:12.709-06:002012-01-13T10:14:12.709-06:00I am very into personal body space with my 3-year ...I am very into personal body space with my 3-year old right now. He's just not affectionate. At all. The day he was born he tried to wriggle out of my arms the first time I held him against me to burp him.<br /><br />So we've been working on things he can say when he doesn't want to be touched in a certain way. Simple things, because he's 3: "Stop that," or "Please don't." And we teach him that it's fine to say it to US, too, because this is his body and he is in charge of what he wants to happen to it. Once, he said, "But if I don't hug people it makes them sad." To which I replied, "That's OK. Other people can be sad. They'll be happy again later."<br /><br />A good friend who is involved in a subculture where consent and non-consent are taken quite seriously, also suggested I teach my son positive language, too: "That feels good!" or "I like that!" so he knows touch can be good, too.<br /><br />I admit, it's hard sometimes when I want to snuggle my little boy and he pushes me away saying, "Please don't, Mommy." But this is how he learns confidence.<br /><br />And it's even harder with other family members who think I'm being weird or don't understand that I'm trying to give my son the tools he'll need to protect himself as he grows up. That's when I step in: "He doesn't want to hug you right now," or "[Son], it's OK if you don't want to kiss Grandpa. How about a high-five?"<br /><br />I hope I'm doing my job right. At least teaching my son all this, tough as it might be, <i>feels</i> about 100x better than those scare tactics they used on us in the 80s, when we were all taught that basically everyone in the world wants to molest you, and probably already has. *shudder*Meredithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08508302421134951238noreply@blogger.com