Saturday, October 15, 2016

I Guess I'm Not Done

Last night, I woke up at 3am to feed the baby and couldn't get back to sleep. I had a blog post idea, so I went to the admin site to draft it, and I found out that I had (through my own fault) lost my domain name. My blog was directing to nothing.

This was a gut check for me. The reason I didn't notice that the domain was expiring was because I hadn't been logging in here often to post. My life is a chaotic mess of projects and parenting, and writing here is always on the list, but it's at the bottom. Then it gets pushed lower. Then it disappears.

My domain name expiring could have been a way out. I've seen plenty of blogs come and go over the years, and this would have been a natural, organic way to find my stopping point. The "expiring" could have been metaphorical as well as technical.

But I didn't want to expire. I felt the loss of this space (even though I've been neglecting it) immediately and intensely. It felt like coming home and finding out my bedroom had been filled with cement when all I really wanted to do was crawl into bed and nap.

I may not be able to write here as often as I would like (come to think of it, I'm also not able to crawl into bed and nap as often as I would like), but I still want the option.

I spent a healthy chunk of time on hold with tech support today to get my domain back. It was time I couldn't really spare, but I did it anyway.

When you find something that fills a void, you fight to keep it.

Image: Jennifer C.